Maybe I'm Just Needy

I don't know if it's in the upbringing or if people are just a certain way. I kind of think it parallels my OCD tendancies. I just think that things should be equal. I think if I do something a certain way then I expect to receive an equivalent in return. It could be something simple like tossing the clothes from the washer to the dryer and the next person comes along and does the same. Or, you check on me when I'm sick and I'll make sure to check on you when you're sick. Perhaps it's something trivial like I'll hand over my whole being (thoughts, emotions, chaos, all included) in exchange for a piece of you when I need it.

Now, I don't say this because I do things simply out of duty or expectation or because I have that in the back of my mind when I'm doing something. No, I do everything I do because I need to. I really need to. If I don't, I just won't be right with myself. It will consume me like a person with OCD that needs to touch the stove 5 times with the left hand and 5 times with the right at least 5 times in a row (no, no, I don't do that, silly...my number is 3).

So, I do what I do out of my own necessity. I guess I sometimes wish that I was someone else's necessity too.

C.