Furry Felt Covered Piggy Banks...

As I was packing, in preparation for my impending move, I felt almost robotic. CD's-this box, books-that box, kid stuff-over there, you get the idea. It wasn't until I went to work packing the kids' movies (I don't have any of my own, it seems), that I became interested in my task at hand.

Among other treasured home videos that I had forgotten about (and surely would never have remembered where they were in the event of a fire) I re-discovered a VHS tape that my Grandmother recorded of herself while on a business trip to Minneapolis. One of those little booths that you pay $5 for 10 minutes of recording. She didn't know what she was going to do with the tape but thought that it seemed like fun and mentioned that she may even give it as a birthday gift to a lucky someone special! I have to assume that she had already purchased the snow globe or plastic piggy bank covered in felt that she brought home each time she went away. As if my collection of felt covered piggy banks were overflowing to such an extent that I needed another to complete the rainbow of those I already had. I remember thinking they were kinda cute until I was 12 or so. After that, I just smiled with a hint of sarcasm while she told me all about the wonderful things in Minneapolis or Denver or Olympia, Washington. Intrigued and curious to visit those cities, I was NOT. I was an unappreciative teenager, staring at a felt covered animal, wearing the most recent "My Grandma went to (insert city here) and all I got was this lousy t-shirt", while she talked between shouting out the letters Vanna White needed to flip over so we could buy a vowel and solve this puzzle, already! I think that's where I learned what a "dumbass" was. At least, that's what my Grandmother called them when they couldn't figure out the puzzle and they were set to win the JACKPOT!

Anyway, knowing that this tape was made just a short time before her cancer diagnosis,I found myself laughing with tears streaming down my face. She was just silly. A silly disposition that I don't think I really appreciated until now. I found myself thinking that all day today, she was just silly!

While she was silly, she grated the last nerve of every single member of our family, near and far. She was so vain and always concerned with her looks, always. She was married just once, for 43 years, to a man she met as a teenager. When she mentioned his name in the tape she still beamed, how lucky for that. And, every time I walked in the house, the door always left unlocked as everyone was welcome, she greeted me with a smile. Every single time. That gave me such a sense of belonging that I haven't felt since. How wonderful that was for her to do that for me. How wonderful it was, and I don't think I ever said thank you. I wish I had. And, if I could say one last thing, I would say "Thank You". Thank you for making me feel welcome, thank you for every lecture you ever gave me, thank you for embarrassing me incessantly in front of my friends. Thank you for telling me that you loved me when I was convinced no one really did. Thank you for each and every felt covered animal you brought me. Thank you for so many things that I never realized how endearing I would find them and I miss them so incredibly.

And, thank you for creating this video that brings me to tears and laughter at the same time.

I don't know if she was ever fully aware just how wonderfully beautiful she was, from the inside out. Come to think of it, maybe I was the one that wasn't fully aware.


C.